Maweed.

I’ve been married for almost three weeks. People have been asking me what it’s like to be married and whether it’s different from the common-law setup we had before. My answer, thus far, has been it’s not much different and they should try me in a few years when I have more experience.

Only, that has been the short answer. Is my day-to-day dramatically different? Not really. But it hasn’t been exactly the same either, at least not psychologically.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks:

  1. I wonder who will die first. If it’s him, what will I do with myself? I have thought a lot about death and sickness in general—growing old, as well as unforeseen tragedy. The permanency of ‘til-death-do-us-part has forced me to think long term.
  2. I worry that my unmarried friends will think I’m different now that we’ve exchanged vows. Mostly, I’ve been self-conscious about how fun I seem to other people. I don’t want to be “the boring married friend” that people write off when making weekend plans. Unfortunately, I have caught myself overcompensating by trying to act abnormally fun, which may be coming off as psychosis.
  3. When I see attractive people, I think about both my husband’s and my new limits. Even though neither of us would have ever pursued some arbitrary hot person when we were dating, marriage seems like the subtraction of choice. I have been secretly hoping my husband isn’t disappointed by this, although pop culture would tell me he definitely is.
  4. As an extension of number one, I think about the aging process and how I will look when I’m 40. More specifically, I wonder how my husband will think I look when I’m 40. As a twenty-something, I am cognisant of the fact that I’m young—something men seem to dig. I am more cognisant that this ain’t gonna last forever. It’s a tad depressing.
  5. I don’t know if it’s the marriage or the fact that I just saw Obsessed, but I’m waiting for the day when I’ll have to kick some homewrecker’s ass.

Other than the mental exhaustion of planning my funeral, it’s been really great. It might be the honeymoon-period talking, but I’m genuinely stoked about this whole marriage thing. It’s nice to know that someone will always be there at the end of the day, and life for that matter.

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2 thoughts on “Maweed.

  1. Here I was thinking I was overly morbid. Soon after getting married I started thinking the same things about death and ageing.

    Now after our 2nd anniversary I think more about how much we have changed and how our relationship will continue to change. What will we be like in 5 years? In 20? I already feel like a totally different person than I was 2 years ago (thankfully in a good way).

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