There’s an old saying that goes “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” This is something people say to discourage girls from having sex before marriage. The “logic” is that a man won’t enter into the lifelong commitment if he’s already getting the sexual benefits.
Obviously, the idea that one should withhold sex in order to convince someone to marry her is profoundly objectionable.
(Disclaimer: I am not arguing that abstinence is a poor choice. I think there’s a lot of wisdom in it. I’m just saying that-when the time comes-marriage should be motivated by commitment, not an unknown experience.)
I was thinking about it when I saw a video on YouTube about Purity Balls (galas, not…you know), events in which daughters pledge to their fathers to remain pure until marriage. You can watch the video yourselves and judge the creepiness factor.
When I hear about this sort of thing, subcultures fixated on virginity, I find it bothersome. Part of my worry is that a lot of onus goes on the females to remain chaste, limiting their identities to condition of their hymens. I don’t know why men in these communities aren’t held responsible for their purity, but it’s a dangerous practice. Apart from that, there are other considerations, besides sex, that factor into getting married and having a successful relationship.
In doing some research (not exhaustive by any means), I learned that the divorce rate for those who abstained until marriage is equal to that of everyone else. So even if you bought Bessie before you milked her, you’re in the same boat as the rest of us. Maybe that’s because marriage is complex.