February 2009


Fact: Breyers Vanilla Ice Cream is actually labeled “Breyer’s Vanilla Frozen Dessert”. The words “ice cream” are nowhere to found on the packaging. Hagan Daaz, on the other hand, is clearly marked “ice cream”.

Fact: Hagan Daaz is more than twice the calories per serving than Breyers.

Fact: Hagan Daaz is twice the price.

Fact: Breyers has more modified ingredients.

Question: Which ice cream do you choose and why?

Something to consider: Whichever one you choose, the portion you eat in one setting will likely be the same.

(This, by the way, is coming up because I was just eating Breyers and was shocked by the label, so I did an immediate comparison to the other pint of ice cream (HD) in the freezer. Why I’m eating ice cream in winter and why I have two varieties are completely unrelated to the story.)

Before I wrote this blog, I had to search through every post I’ve written to make sure that I am not an offender, lest I be a hypocrite. Even if I was a hypocrite, I still would have written this blog… I just would have been a lot nicer. Now I don’t have to be.

I been thinking about the word “random” lately, and I am becoming less and less impressed with it (not its original meaning, but its current use). And I know I’m not alone here.

At first, when the term “random” came into our vernacular, I was digging it (just like I’m digging the word ‘digging’ right now). I liked when people started saying “that’s so random” when an odd/unexpected event happened. My peers would also use the word in reference to miscellaneous items, such as “random photos” or “random parties”. At the time, which was roughly five years ago by the way, my favourite way to use the term was to refer to a stranger, or someone creepy.

Example:

Person 1: Who was that guy?

Person 2: I don’t know, some random.

But those days are over. I’ve moved on. If presented with the same situation now, I would say something like this:

Person 1: Who was that guy?

Person 2: No idea.

I’m okay with new ridiculous words or, in this case, new ridiculous ways to use words so long as their usage ends when it’s overkill. That has not happened with “random” yet. And, believe me, I am waiting. Sometimes I wonder if other peoples’ overkill sensors are broken. You all feel it, don’t you?

To be fair, maybe “random” users think it’s here to stay. There are classic expressions that will never go out of style, the little black dress of the colloquial wardrobe. “Cool” is a great example of such a word; it’s even a French word for goodness’ sake. Other illustrations would be your basic four-letter words. But I don’t think “random” has the legs to ever be considered timeless. It’s just stale, lingering like my dog’s gas.

I’m trying to be helpful here. When others are struggling, you have to come alongside them and uplift. It’s like What Not to Wear for the mouth. Yesterday, for instance, I had to tell my 40-something boss not to say “it’s the bomb”–again, I was helping.

This “random” business might take months, it might take years, but I want it over with. In the meantime, I’m trying out comeback surfer words, such as “gnarly”, “rad” and “stoked”. I like ‘em, but I know we have to part eventually.

The following is not a real issue. It might not even be worth talking about, but it happens to me all the time so I’m writing it down.

When I shop, I don’t like to be approached by sales people. I know it’s their job, but if it’s all the same to them, I want to be left alone. I know what I do and do not need. Maybe that’s my problem—I shop for necessity and don’t want to be sold superfluous items.

Even though I don’t like it, being approached in a store is fine, I guess. Being approached by salespeople from a kiosk, however, is totally unacceptable. The hallways in a mall are supposed to be the safe zone.

Every time I walk down the hallways of the Yorkdale Mall, I am bombarded by people selling skincare products. A hand moisturizer, an acne cream, a mineral eyeshadow.
It’s always when I’m alone and it’s usually by men. I’ve seen what they do. They watch for unsuspecting women and then jump out, asking “Excuse me, Sweetie, can I just ask you one question?”

Of course, it’s not one question. They tell you to come over to their booth and proceed to apply whatever they’re selling to your body, convincing you that you look/feel better than before. You buy it and walk away feeling dirty.

If I wanted to go to a marketplace, I would travel to Turkey. If I wanted to be approached by a patronizing stranger, I would join LavaLife. If I wanted to be ogled by men, I would… well, I can’t do anything about being female.

Rant over. Please return to your regularly scheduled Wednesday.

Picture from osocio.org

Picture from osocio.org

I know the short atheist bus issue is getting stale, but I thought I should comment on it because it keeps coming up. To get the gist of the story, read this article.

The first thing that comes to mind is the message itself: “There’s Probably No God. Now Stop Worrying And Enjoy Your Life.” I don’t know about you, but the word ‘probably’ isn’t the word I would have gone with. ‘Probably’ leaves room for error.  Had it said definitively that “There is no God” I might have left it alone. But if life after death is a possibility, ‘probably’ is not a chance I’m willing to take.

Whatever it is you believe, you need to consider why you believe it. A public advertisement telling you not to worry about it isn’t helpful because there’s no introspection. You should worry about… well not worry, but think about it.

Moving on. My question to you is would you care if Toronto (or your city) welcomed this sort of advertising?

To answer my own question, if irreligious advertising makes the bus any slower then I definitely care. Otherwise, I don’t. I feel that any sort of political or religious promotion is for the people who belong to those groups. If I’m a liberal, I don’t care if the NDP bash my leader in their commercials and I’m certainly not swayed by a few lawn signs. That’s not how persuasion works… at least not for me. If atheists want to promote their beliefs, it’s a free country. Will I take their word for it based on a bus? Probably not.

Actually, I would argue that most atheists (the thoughtful ones, not the angry, System-of-a-Down listening anarchists) wouldn’t want people to take the ad at face value. From what I understand, atheism is a serious study. What do you think?